The Power of Eye Contact

[James Williams]

Just read an interesting article...and think about its implications for consulting astrologers...

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/power-eye-contact-myth-170600780.html

[Barbara Ybarra]

Hi James:

I have heard Noel say that he will often gaze towards a person's mouth rather than directly in their eyes during a consultation. Not a bad idea.  I agree that it can be intimidating when someone is consistently looking directly into (my) eyes while talking to me.  It's like they are insisting on being right.   

That being said, it is probably best to meet the other person's eyes often enough while saying something to them to convey the sincerity of the words.  I myself have a hard time with looking people steadily in the eyes while I am speaking to them.  It might be that I lack confidence, but I have also found that I have gotten lost in people's eyes (because of something profound there) and cannot continue with my own thoughts.  Or, conversely, something in their eyes tells me they are hard and cold about life. In general I think I look away too often while speaking to someone, but I am searching for the best words.  I do make sure that I look into their eyes when they are speaking....because I want to get the fullness of what they are saying. In a consultation, no one is trying to convince or sell anything to the astrologer.  I have asked people about my own failings with eye contact, but they are usually just too kind because they are my friends. I'm sure my Neptune=Sun/Moon is a good description of my problem (and my general bad eyesight).  It would be good to have a workshop on it, to experiment with it.   I like the social research ideas, but I wonder what tax dollars are paying for it!

Barbara Ybarra
   

[Stacy]

Hi James:

I have heard Noel say that he will often gaze towards a person's mouth rather than directly in their eyes during a consultation. Not a bad idea.  I agree that it can be intimidating when someone is consistently looking directly into (my) eyes while talking to me.  It's like they are insisting on being right.  

Very surprised to read this Barbara! It goes against everything I was ever taught about the importance of making direct eye contact. I, too, have a difficult time maintaining constant eye contact; it can be intimidating. It's a source of personal embarrassment for me, that I must be lacking confidence or self-esteem.

James Williams: I was hoping to re-read about the Neptune eye-flutter [ courtesy of Noel Tyl archives], but in a bit of a rush this morning and couldn't locate it quickly. Didn't see it in your discussion posts about his essays. Always thought people are nervous if you don't make eye contact, as if you are hiding something, or simply a bit "flaky".

Stacy

[Don Borkowski]

It has always been EXTREMELY difficult for me to make eye contact with people.  Nowadays, I'll apologize immediately for not making eye contact.  I'll tell people that i'm slightly hard-of-hearing (true) and tell them that I need to augment my hearing with a little lip-reading.

However, when I deal with people whose eye-contact skills are worse than mine, I have NO trouble maintaining eye contact.  I can be passive-aggressive when I need to be.

Don B.

[James Williams]

Thank you Barbara, Stacy, and Don, for sharing in regards to this most interesting topic!  Stacy, I didn't repost every single one of Noel's essays, but I know where that one is, and will post it under his section...

[James Williams]

This thread reminds me of an old music video...what is your reaction at the 1:10 mark and/or the 2:20 mark when he makes "direct" eye contact...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luGTe37Wysk

[James Williams]

...and do you think you'd have the same reaction had he made indirect eye contact instead of direct eye contact?

[URANIMO]

HI all

Interesting article James... and comments Robynne, Don and Barbara

I find sometimes i meet people i will look down - i think it is a submissive and self protective gesture -  blocking the window to my soul is something that i do seem to do.

on the other hand when i am talking to someone, am certain of my opinion, trying to be persuasive or very engaged in knowing about something they are talking about i will look directly at who I am talking to, though my eyes wander rather than hold constant eye contact.  I agree insisting on direct eye contact when expressing can feel aggressive (with merc conj mars at times i have to rephrase and soften something i have said as it has come out too aggressively when that is not my intent).

I know i will look away when i I am not sure i want to know the answer - and on occasion have thought to myself i wish i had remained looking when they replied so that i could see the truth (hmmm- is this a reflex action that helps me maintain my rose-coloured world?) 

I have also tried seriously holding eye contact (as a listener) on occasion and find i get lost elsewhere - as in looking too hard turns my listening off    IN fact most probably if i am staring you in the eye and you think i am listening my brain most likely totally on another planet...ergh sorry, what were you saying...   

At the end of the day i run on how i feel - and the level of comfort is important to me, so people i trust will always get to look me in the eye.

Amanda

[robynne]

Amanda

Yes, that's a good way to put it: 'looking too hard turns my listening off', I like that. Agreed on the 'trust' factor too.

[In Stitches]

Interesting.  This article probably shows the influence that other cultures are having in the U.S.  They often don't believe in making eye contact.  I think there is a difference between staring, which is rude, and making eye contact, which shows engagement with another person.  People who stare without giving you a break are difficult to talk to.  I had a teacher in Jr. High School who made everyone really uncomfortable. He wouldn't blink and would never look away.  My friend had huge eyes and was the only one who could manage to make him blink while she was talking to him.  

Does anyone have a particular Sun Sign which they find difficult to look at?  A lot of people thought my Scorpio Father's eyes were very penetrating and thought he was a deep listener.  He admitted to me that he didn't have a clue what they were talking about.  Pisces eyes, either Sun or Moon are sometimes extremely beautiful, but I am uncomfortable looking at them for very long. 

[Marsha Massino]

When I've interviewed people for positions, I pay close attention to their eyes and whether or not they'll meet mine.

I interviewed a woman about 20 years ago who wouldn't look at me.  She looked at the ceiling, down at her feet or off to the side, but not at me.  

In all honesty, what she was wearing was even more telling to me.  She came in wearing jeans because it was casual day at her current job.  She explained that to me before the interview started.  What I took from that was that casual day at work was more important to her than this interview/potential job.

There have been more over the years, but this woman stands out in my mind.

[pdw]

Hi James & All, maybe eye contact is sensitive to the social role we're in at the moment, varying with the authority-security we feel or lack in that role.  Marsha gives a good example, and that study, using video-watching and controversial subjects to measure eye contact, made me think about politicians and trial lawyers whose work is all about establishing public trust and authority.   

Come to think of it, I've been running my own very informal long term study about eye contact.  Well, it's actually kind of a game...maybe called The Eyes Have It: When I am casually walking and meet a stranger coming toward me I think it is a good idea to look at my fellow human being and greet him or her with a "Hi''.  Most folks agree and the game for me is to see which one of us will look and speak first.  But not everyone is interested in this minimal social contact; it still surprises me when a mature adult is willing to stare down or straight ahead and pass by in silence.  But I can't seem to cooperate with these folks, I always say "Hi" at the last minute and they respond.       

[James Williams]

Thank you all again for contributing on this most interesting topic! 

[Barbara Ybarra]

...or left or right brained.  Nice that you could adjust to being right-handed, Robynne.  My grandmother had a mental breakdown when she was 8 yrs old from being forced to write right-handed.

I tried to think if anyone in my own circle of friends and family tip their heads while listening, and realized that my sister and an uncle do(did) that. ...both of them with the same characteristic of being very strong in their own beliefs yet very compassionate and accepting towards the needs of others.  I thought about if I ever were to tip my head sideways to listen to someone, which direction would it be, and concluded it would be my left ear turning upwards and my right ear down.  That would perhaps emphasize letting the information go into the right (creative side) of my brain, and not into my logical left side of brain which might dismiss the information as incorrect.

Someone told me yesterday that all of her injuries in life (and she has had many) have been on the right side of her body.     

[Lopaka]

This reminds me of Noel's thesis about a strong Neptune and eye flutter.  People who are uncertain about what they are saying tend to blink their eyes rapidly and frequently. Neptune tends to uncertainty. In addition, police often rely on eye position of an interviewee to decide on credibility.  If the person looks to their right (your left as you face them) when answering their answers are  likely to be less than reliable.  The theory is that they are accessing the right hemisphere of the brain, the creative side (Neptune?), to craft their answer.  If they are trying to recall actual events, the tendency is to look towards their left (your right) to access the rational side of the brain.  This observation, too, bears on the "handedness" broached in this thread.