Creative Connections & Client Communications
Counseling Insights, March 31, 2008The Feelings You Create
We can not ignore the fact that people easily and often forget what we have said, but they remember strongly how we made them feel. –We recall feelings more easily and accurately than we recall words.
So many times every day, we are asked about our feelings. “How’re you feeling? How do you feel about this? How do you feel about the election? If you really feel that way, we have a problem. How can we shake those nasty feelings; they’re so debilitating?” Etc.
So many times every day, our feelings are brought forward. And in an astrological consultation, with the last five minutes being so important, that which is retained best [See archives, “Counseling Insights”, August 2001] is born within the concluding feelings. The ‘bottom-line’ is set. What the client takes with him or her away from the consultation into future life is anchored to feelings developed throughout the discussion, reviewed and focused at the end of the consultation.
Life-links are so important Feelings are value judgments. They enter consciousness in relation to some event, memory, hope, vision. We carry feelings, value judgments with us dramatically, conspicuously, lastingly. During consultation, the astrologer can begin to maneuver those link-ups with clarification and practicability.
For example: spotting a time period, say at age 8-11 when sexual molestation (or exploitation) could have occurred may bring confirmation from the client. The best response from the astrologer then is, “Alright, and now (getting away from the earlier time), may I ask, please, what have you brought forward from that experience, to your life now?” This is a question about feelings and significances, not details about events. The astrologer is counting on years and years of client self-therapy, memory adjustment, value management to get a strong answer onto the table, for better or for worse. ---An enormous amount of understanding is accomplished very quickly. And the client knows what you are doing: you’re keeping him or her clear of painful recall; you’re creating distance.
Another question about practically any other difficult occurrence within development can be the following: “What does this series of events represent to you now?” --If the client needs prodding –perhaps the vocabulary of feelings and significances is underdeveloped—the astrologer can help discussion along by saying “the suggestion here is certainly that a power struggle between your parents was taking place, with you in the middle… and this kind of behavior, how has it echoed in the three marriages you have already been through?
Gradually, feelings are inventoried, are listed and ordered into emotionally significant clusters throughout the life. A series of events occurs in the present, and it is now easier to tie it to value judgments conditioned in the past. Immediately, lights are turned on.
When tears enter Often, tears will come forth in a consultation: the astrologer will have touched upon a strongly emotional situation; the feelings have not yet been ordered into objectivity securely. –I find it very, very helpful to say to the client, “May I suggest that these are not really tears of pain; they are … tears … of … recognition.” This gives pause (and a small sip of water might really help stop things). And in this moment, the client is grateful; the astrologer can move things on [the consultation is not an open-ended cracker-barrel discussion.].
Gradually, a tone is set for thoughts, discussion, memory, and projection. The fear of linking back to developmental key-times begins to disappear. [Please see “Counseling insights,” Archives, December 31, 2001.]
So be aware of the feelings you are creating. Put your personal fears of performance aside –you are much more impressive than you think! Through your caring and your grace with conversation, you will have built feelings that will lift and encourage your client. All this will help the consultation to end with smiles and confidence --and it’s very good for business!
Next Update: April 30, 2008.