Creative Connections & Client Communications
Counseling Insights April 30, 2009Managing Miracle Expectations
All those great requests astrologers hear ---When will I meet my true love?; When will my career take off?, When will my business be bought?—are ego-fulfillment thrusts that are not unreasonable, but they are so often presented for magical, unlikely fulfillment and are very difficult to handle. They are impractical in their presentation. --Just going to meet with an astrologer will not guarantee favorable answer to these questions. After all, the client may have been waiting for ‘true love’ for twenty or thirty years, waiting in a self-aggrandizing state for a career break for some twenty years, and/or trying to sell an off-beat business that’s been hanging on by a shoestring for fifteen or twenty years. We can assume that things are not sitting quite right, and astrology is not easily going to reflect as big enough change as is hoped for.
There is no magic technique to fulfill these hopes. But there are helpful stop-gap procedures to allow the consultation to be fruitful. The question becomes one of communication from the astrologer to the client. What does the client need to hear --really-- to feel better about his or her situation. How can the astrologer communicate productively with the client?
I think that the client needs to hear, first, respectful identification of ego. Second, the client needs recognition of what he or she has to say. And third, the client needs to see a fresh way to become involved in working things out. These three consultation by-products can work smaller miracles --perhaps en route to the bigger one(s). –Serving each one of these needs can be therapeutically quite significant.
Identification of Ego A person’s name is a focus of power. Throughout eons, we know that Naming someone allies us with that person’s power presence. To say someone’s name is to touch their spirit. [Recall the prohibition among the Hebrews against mentioning the name of God, except by the highest priest on the rarest special occasions.] When we say someone’s name, a point of attention and responsibility for reaction occur that is dramatic.
Magicians learn that, during close-up magic, someone’s attention can be commanded simply by saying their name. If I mention your name in my patter, you will look up; you will look at me. This misdirection, if you will –acknowledging, tapping into your identity-- allows magic to happen.
Salespeople improve the probability of making a sale by using a prospect’s name artfully. If you’re applying for a job, not saying your interviewer’s name lowers your odds of getting the job!
In an astrological consultation, are you using your client’s name? --Think about that. Don’t discount this as a small thing. It is extremely important.
–A recent male client is obsessed with wanting a relationship with a much younger man who is not homosexual. Recently, circumstances brought them together one night in the same bed. At a key moment in the consultation, I said my client’s name to touch his heart with a truth that was written everywhere; I was setting up, most warmly, an existential alert: “Dear Anthony,” –(can you hear/feel that arresting impact?) “I think you are to be commended for not having taken advantage of the young man.”
Powerful. I made Anthony feel good about the situation on a different level. –And then I smoothly added, “And we both know he felt good about this too … and I suggest that that’s the way your longing should end. The relationship can never be –we all know that. Feel good about the relationship and let it go.”
Study these words. See that the consultation dialogue gave Anthony respectful identification of ego. He was returned from out of a shadow into his own light.
Recognition Your client must have a say! --How many astrologers do all the talking? [Are they afraid they have nothing to say in dialogue?]
The astrologer gives recognition to a client by drawing the client into meaningful conversation. –Naturally, the astrologer must guide the conversation to be above “cracker-barrel” gossip and below pontification! We must remember that we are relating astrological symbolism to the reality being lived by and revealed by the client, not tying the client to a textbook way of thinking and conducting life.
A female client was not talking very much. I sensed she was afraid something would find its way out of her and embarrass her, perhaps. A remote father and dominant mother complex was obvious in the horoscope. With few words, she corroborated all I was saying about the situation. But there had to be more … more emotional evaluation of the situation that was still haunting her thirty-forty years later!
I said,” Please tell me more about your feelings within this situation … and don’t worry, I think I’ve probably heard it all!” --We smiled together, and she did begin to talk about the situation.
After about a minute, she stopped. The silence called for a wrap-up.
I said, “Thank you for sharing your feelings about this. I appreciate how you feel … but, dear Monica, I think there is more.” [Note the use of her name.}
“I suggest that ---for so long, growing up and into your two marriages--- that you have been afraid of becoming like your mother. [The ruler of her Ascendant was in tight developmental tension with her Lunar Nodal Axis.]
Well, this was one important moment! She had spoken; I had listened; her feelings had been recognized. I then contributed something profound to her; and there were her tears … of recognition. A tight knot of anxiety was released. –The rest of the consultation proceeded very smoothly, helping with this situation.
Involvement Our clients under pressure are in the throes of the greatest expectations; they really do need personal identification in the midst of everything, recognition of their feelings … what they have to say about special points … AND a feeling of Involvement, personal significance within activity to affect the future.
I suggest that the Moon’s Sign helps us powerfully, as the symbol of the reigning need of the personality (see “Analytical Techniques”, archived essay “August 21, 1999).
Here are twelve statement-thoughts that tap into our deepest needs, based upon the individual Moon position. –When this energy is registered/triggered, we feel better about ourselves. We don’t hitch our thoughts to a faraway star, but rather to individualized workable objectives; these sentences awaken things!
Moon in Aries: “It would be nice to establish your importance here… How can we do that?”
Taurus: “We really need your organizational imprint on this situation, to make it what it should be. How can we build that?”
Gemini: “I know you’re thinking about this full-time; how can you show these people how much you know about the situation?”
Cancer: “Let’s identify the emotional values of this situation; then we will be closer to a reliable strategy you can work with.”
Leo: “Your leadership is important here; how can you and the others do more on these issues?”
Virgo: “You surely want to be on top of the details here…what’s your grasp of it all? Where are people going wrong, and what can be done about it?”
Libra: “How can you shine in this situation? How can we make your position more attractive to more people?”
Scorpio: “In order for you to gain more control in this situation, what is necessary? How can you get it?”
Sagittarius: Does everyone know your opinions about this matter? You really do know; they’ve got to know too.”
Capricorn: “You probably know best how this should proceed. What can you do concretely to make that happen?”
Aquarius: “Everyone knows you care; so what’s the magic idea that can take things further?”
Pisces: “With your sensitivity about all these issues, how can we mix the practical with the ideal, to be really objective?
These thoughts may seem simplistic, but they are not. They go deep. They are personally identifying, involving!
Review: Know the power of using a person’s name. Recognize what they have to say. And involve them in activity on their own behalf, in terms of their reigning need.
This way, we adjust the miracle expectations with here-and-now practicality. Enrich your consultation talk. Try it!###
Next Update: May 31, 2009