Creative Connections & Client Communications

Counseling Insights, August 31, 2010

Complimenting your Client

There are so many people who have difficulty giving and receiving compliments. These people almost invariably have stressed networks among the 2nd, 5th, 11th, and 8th Houses. In a nutshell, they feel that to pay someone else a compliment diminishes themselves somehow! [This is an enormous socialization issue: I have written about it so often in my works.]

A companion insight is that not giving compliments in social traffic wards off receiving compliments ourselves! When we have problems with this vitally important exchange of respect and affection, we isolate ourselves; we are alone.

--Now . and I kid you not . there are people who will tell you that they have NEVER received a compliment in their lifetime! They rarely give them as well. --This so often goes way back to the early home environment, the poor modeling of parental behavior, the lack of support of the child, the pervasion of neglect and the demeaning of identity. The person grows up withdrawn, without the flourish of values that comes from seeing the fine points about oneself and others! . AND sharing them!!

When is the last time you paid someone a compliment? What happened when you did? --When is the last time you received a compliment from someone? What did you feel, think, do when that happened!?

Let's explore this further: in general, people like people who evaluate them positively. And people who think they don't deserve compliments tend to feel the complimentor is engaging in some kind of manipulation . through the compliment.

There is a grand body of Social Psychological research about these dynamics of interaction based on praise, compliments, assessment of attractiveness, etc. [See Eliot Aronson, The Social animal W.H. Freeman & Co] The bottom line is that the way people are treated affects the way they come to think of themselves.People begin to behave in a way consistent with the self-concept.

How can the astrologer touch these dynamics? --It's simple:By saying something sincerely nice to the client.

As feeble as that answer might read, you can't imagine how powerful a perceptive compliment can be to a client under pressure, in the shadows of gloomy self-deprecating habits that are many, many years old.

This uplift can also be achieved indirectly: "In a quiet, calm moment, ask your wife/husband just why s/he loves you. And listen carefully; you will hear some important things!"

The compliment might be about how your client is dressed, their hands and their expressivity, their way of talking, the sound of their voice, word choice, smile, etc.Just make sure it is sincere and personal (as opposed to doing a good job) and appropriate to the syntax-moment of the consultation. In essence, the astrologer is saying, "Look! You've really got a lot going for you. I see it. Be proud of it; share it. Those old habits will fall away."

How about, "Give a compliment --just one-- to someone every day, and reward yourself at the end of the week with a special bottle of wine!!" [Of course, the compliments will gather a presence of their own and be returned!]

Your client will remember you and your consultation for a lifetime.

Please see, listed in the "Counseling Insights" archives immediately following this essay: "Love Received and Given" (April 30, 2005; "Creative Connections and Client communications" (October 31, 2004.)

Next update: September 30, 2010


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